So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
