I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
