we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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