Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
