I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
