I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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