He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We need to get me chipped asap
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
