Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
