you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
