I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
