quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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