allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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