in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
