i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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