Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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