I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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