Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That accounts for only three of the penises
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
