Pants 0. Shit 1.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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