I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
