You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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