I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No more Irish car bombs ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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