Sry I called you an 8
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
