The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
