i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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