Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
