Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
