I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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