Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
