New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We are two peas in an std pod
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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