Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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