i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
