She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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