Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
