i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I understand Curling. That high.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
