In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
