I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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