I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
