my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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