rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
