Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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