All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
