he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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