I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
