If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
