Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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