yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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