I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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