Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
