we have pet lesbian snakes
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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