and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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