Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
