I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
