the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
